Perhaps it will provide inspiration to some, and a needed timely sign to others.
25.04
Today I saw a young monk from a Buddhist temple standing in the middle of the road collecting stones in a basket. And afterwards, he was throwing them by the side of the road.
Someone assumed that the monk was clearing the way for the climbers because he saw it as his ministry. I think he was sent by his mentor to learn a lesson like "Time to pick up stones, time to scatter them.
26.04
For the first time in my life I bought the right to use the hot shower and the right to recharge the body (all for 270 UAH).
And also in our shelter you can buy ... air. Because at 5K - all signs of oxygen starvation.
27.04
Did you know that there are living goddesses in Nepal, which you can see?
It is believed that the goddess Kumari settled in the body of a girl. And to find out whose it is, they gather many girls and test them - they give them a choice of clothes, among which are the clothes of a monk. And for the next 14 years she and her parents live in the palace.
Does not dare touch only the ground (so they wear it). But is shown to tourists through the window. And at 14 the goddess retires (because menstruation, and the goddess has no right to bleed). And usually marries a foreigner (because non-Palians have no right).
28.04
Mountains are useful in that they bring your focus back to a specific life purpose and wash away with a wave all that has been distracting.
2.05
Today we crossed the first summit - Kalapatar - 5660 m. This is the first time for me. Out of 9 participants of the expedition only 3 could reach it. What does this altitude feel like?
The air turns into a thick jelly and in order to take 1 normal sip, you have to inhale 2-3 times. They "put" on your head a very thick baby hoop, 3 times smaller, but you can never take it off, not even for the night.
You start moving as slowly as an astronaut on the moon. It's hard to concentrate and impossible to do 2 actions at the same time. All desires, suffering, pain, fear, doubts and joys dissolve.
It is as if you go back to the factory settings, as if no software has yet been downloaded into you. You yourself become the sole purpose of moving from one camp to the next.
You now look like you've been drinking nonstop for 5 days straight and partying in a club until morning. What you are in the mirror now is one big burned-out swelling.
Because no matter how much SPF 50 you're wearing with hourly renewals, no matter what sunglasses and cap you're wearing, you're sure to burn and chafe all the same.
3.05
Got to Everest base camp today. My temperature hasn't dropped below 38 yet, and my oxygenation hasn't risen above 50.
But:
It's the body searching for its frequency on a completely unfamiliar radio wave ).
Acclimatization is a daily increase in stress doses so that the summit doesn't put the body down.
The whole team has pulled out their first aid kits and is having consiliums.
6.05
Today at 2 a.m. we leave for the assault. Of a team of 8 people Our tent at 5800 is tightly built into the only horizontal scrap among the rocks. You walk to the restroom like a bird - at a vertical angle.
There are no problems - how to undress - get dressed - pack a suitcase - here (you stupidly sleep in all your clothes - right in your boots and assault jacket), and a backpack under your head.
The main problem is oxygen. If at 5600 you divide your "gulp" into 3 parts, here you are left with 1/5. Imagine complete darkness and a solid ice slope with the angle of 70%.
In order to move, you hook the carabiner on your hips to the railing - the rope hanging down the slope.
And then you lift on the rope special ring (jumar), and with it - all the weight of your body, digging clicks "cats" on the boots in the "softness" of the ice. It's just like in high school on a rope.
But with the difference that there is no more air than in a tube closed on both sides. Every new climb and 15 minutes, you're on the lookout for air to continue.
You'll laugh at the stupidity that helps with this f*cking. When you're on the edge, between being and not being, it's important that you have something left "on the ground" that you adore and that you're sure to accomplish first on your return.
So, for example, I imagined myself surrounded by two plates of oysters and a carafe of Prosecco. All of them with lemon slices, and also little slices of bread with some delicious butter on them.
And you use a fork to pull a little meat off the oyster, squeeze the lemon juice, drink it, and then a slice of bread and butter. And while that's dissolving in a year, then you pour all that over the Prosecco.
Conclusion - it is necessary to surround yourself with such things in life, they then perform an important role. At 6070 m I feel like the light goes out. And that all the air I had prepared for me is used up.
I tell the team leader: I came here for six thousand, not for the peak at any cost. I disconnect my system, crawl into an icy cave in the slope and pass out for about 25 minutes.
I know that either you will have time in your life to say "no" and "stop," or someone will say it - in relation to you. I rejoice in the innate talent of feeling the last attraction of that boundary, when you can still get your goal, but not look beyond it.
But the most important conclusion will be this: from now on, I no longer need mountains to "legalize" my inner right to quiet happiness.
I will now be proud of myself, of all my accomplishments, and know that I am good simply by the fact of my existence. I will never devalue my accomplishments and I will never let others devalue them.
And I won't need any more hardships, I won't need to torture myself and prove something to someone through torture. I'm good at the fact that I am. I have the right to get what I need, not someday, when I achieve something, but now, when I want it.
I share this with you, under a drip in Kathmandu, having traveled a really hard path, with the hope that my conclusion about self worth will come at a slightly lower cost to someone else.
